Even at the age of 13, I knew lyricism was on the decline in 1999. One sunny day while riding in the car with my dad I heard The Thong Song by Sisqo for the first time. Rap gets a bad rep, but bad lyrics show no favoritism between genres of music. I understand that artists (and I use that term loosely) don’t always write their own songs, but how can one co-sign such garbage? On a recent episode of Love and Hip Hop New York (don’t judge me), rapper Lore’l didn’t feel comfortable about Mandentures’ Consequence’s line of their duo which offended brown skinned women. I applaud her standing for her conviction and wish more would follow Lore’l’s lead. There are too many to list, but these are just a few of the rhymes I’ve heard that make little to no sense. [Note: The names in bold belong to the singer/rapper of the verse.]
1. “She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty.” Birthday Song by 2 Chainz, 2012.
Really, dude? There were no other metaphors you could use to demean her?
2. “Girl, take pride in what you wanna do/ Even if that means a new man every night inside of you.” Remember You by Wiz Khalifa ft/ The Weekend, 2012.
A woman should take pride in being promiscuous? In the equally appalling words of Nicki, “You a stupid hoe.”
3. “I don’t know if this makes sense, but you’re my hallelujah/ Give me a time and place and I’ll rendezvous, and I’ll fly you to it.” As Long As You Love Me by Justin Bieber ft/ Big Sean, 2012.
You’re right. That doesn’t make any sense.
4. “Real G’s move in silence like lasagna.” Six Foot Seven Foot by Lil Wayne ft/ Young Gunz, 2011.
You’re right Weezy, Tunechi, Grand Master Gremlin or whatever you call yourself these days. The g in the word lasagna isn’t pronounced, but what does pasta have to do with gangsters? Is that their favorite dish? I like mine with garlic bread. Does that make me a gangster too?
5. “You gay as f*** bruh, you sweeter than a lemon man/ LBG stand for lil b**** in the game.” F*** Bow Wow by Soulja Boy, 2009.
I have three problems with this bubble gum lyric. First of all, lemons are sour not sweet. Secondly, stop trying to diss someone by questioning their sexuality. That’s their business and should be of no concern to you. Lastly, the acronym you should be referencing for the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgendered community is LGBT.
6. “Witch, twitch, b****! M*****f****n right this is World War 6.” Roman Holiday by Nicki Minaj, 2012. In the same song, “Come all ye faithful/ Joyful and triumphant/ I am Roman Zolanski.”
I’m no history buff, but how did I miss World Wars 3, 4, and 5? And why is there an excerpt from a Christian hymnal included? One of those personalities needs to get a grip.
7. “Thirty eight revolve like the sun round the Earth/ Try to play hard get you found round the dirt.” It’s Hot (Some Like It Hot) by Jay-Z, 1999.
Someone was obviously snoozing when his science teacher reviewed the solar system. Earth orbits around the sun.
8. “I’ll treat you like milk; I’ll do nothing but spoil you.” Sunshine by Lil Flip ft/ Lea, 2004.
Are you going to spoil me as in do whatever I want you to (which would make you a punk), or are you going to let me sit in a refrigerator and not think of me again until I expire? If it’s the former, what does milk want anyway? I’m thoroughly confused and don’t like either option.
9. “So tell me baby/ There’s no need to lie/ Why you sleepin with your eyes closed/ Wanna talk, alright yo.” Get on the Bus by Destiny’s Child ft/ Timbaland, 1998.
Besides vampires, who doesn’t sleep with their eyes closed?
10. “If you don’t bring back my m*****f****n money or my m*****f****n dope/ You can forget about Christmas n***a cause you ain’t gon even see New Years.” Do You Know by Fiend ft/ Master P and Mystikal, 2009.
Somebody get this man a calendar because he (and no one with him) knew that Christmas comes before New Years.
11. “Young, black, and famous with money hanging out the anus.” Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down by Diddy ft/ Mase, 1997.
That sounds uncomfortable. I know banks are paying close to zero on interest, but whatever happened to storing your stacks in a mattress?
12. “My paragraph alone is worth five mics (uh-huh)/ A twelve song LP, that’s thirty six mics (uh-huh).” Five Boroughs by KRS-One ft/ Redman (and many others), 1999.
Nuh-uh. The last time I checked five times twelve is sixty, so you’re a few mics short.
13. “Hated on so much/ Passion of Christ need a sequel.” My Life by The Game, 2008.
This is a common offense rappers and entertainers alike need to stop doing. Jesus lived a blameless life yet was crucified undeservingly, so you’re not surprised by the hate you receive. I get it. But you who are hated on for “getting money” by rapping about bad b*****s, killing snitches, and blowing riches should in no way be afforded the comparison to our Lord and Savior. Stop it.