It wasn’t all bad. He was funny, intellectual, good-looking, and a great father to his children. We even had similar personalities. All 3 months were not bad, but I made the common mistake of putting too much hope into his potential throwing caution to the wind. There were so many red flags and I couldn’t help but feel my intuition, or the Holy Spirit, or my rational logic plead that something wasn’t right. He wasn’t right. Not for me, anyway.
My first pet peeve is having my time wasted. One Saturday I went to one of his flag football games. I watched him play for the first hour. He would usually sit with me to watch some of the other teams after his game had ended, but this Saturday he didn’t. He said he had to take one of his fellow teammates home but that he would be right back. I went to get something to eat and returned to the field. I waited and watched, waited and watched. He texted to say he was on his way back, but 30 minutes later I was still sitting by myself. After 2 hours I was done waiting and let him know I was leaving. He said ok and mentioned that he had stopped by his house to get his dog.
My second pet peeve is being lied to. Apparently, he had a German Shepherd named Luke. I have never seen Luke, not even a picture. One time while at his house, he said Luke was at the groomers. Another time he said he was in the back room. I never heard a bark or a scratch. Nothing. His apartment didn’t have an odor and there was no sight of dog hair on the couch or anywhere else in the apartment. No sign of a dog bowl, dog food, a crate, nothing. One day he said that Luke was sick. He took him to the vet and Luke’s stomach had turned. I was thoroughly confused. I didn’t know what that meant but gave him well wishes anyway. A few nights later I went out with some friends to a Zumba party. Once I had returned to my car, I checked my phone to see that he had called several times and texted that he had to put Luke down. I guess that was the death of that lie.
My third pet peeve is people talking with no actions to back up what is said. Not one, two, or even three times, but there were at least four occasions where he said he was going to come by my place but never came. He said he wanted to get another dog after Luke’s passing but never did. He said he wanted to go to the mountains to see the changing of the colors but never did. He said he wanted to go to a John Legend concert but never did. He said he would pay me back when I lent him money for his phone bill but never did. He said he bought me a pair of Jordans, a watch, and a purse but I never received anything; not even for Christmas. Don’t talk about it, be about it.
My fourth pet peeve is not getting enough quality time. He was a homebody, but that’s not an excuse to not go out on dates. He never took me anywhere. Hanging out at my house or yours is not sufficient quality time. The few times we went out it was because I asked him to go with me (for example wine tasting and game night at a friend’s house). The last straw came on New Year’s Eve. I asked him what he wanted to do to celebrate. He said he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to be out in a crowd. I asked him if he wanted to go to church, but he said no. Later that day he sends me a text explaining that he wanted to get his two children but their mother wanted them back the next day. They live an hour apart. Considering his family lives in the same area as his children he decided to be with his family and children that night. Seriously? Thanksgiving and Christmas should definitely be set aside for family time, but (if you’re booed up) you should spend New Year’s Eve with your significant other. He told me countless times that he loved me and wanted to make me his wife. If that were true, why would he not invite me to be with him?
Very little about our relationship made sense, so I broke up with him. I made my decision believing that in due time I would gain a much better relationship with someone else than what I was letting go of. He was upset with me of course. From his standpoint, he knew he wasn’t perfect but felt that I should have accepted him, flaws and all, because he accepted me. I’m in no way claiming to be perfect or flawless. I am neither of those, but I can’t be held responsible for our relationship’s demise. My only regret is not tackling our issues head on as they came up. You live and you learn, and I won’t fall for potential again.