Gentlemen, bruhs, dudes, fellas, homeboys, this one’s for you.
Last night I went out with two of my girlfriends. We went to thirsty Thursdays at the baseball stadium followed by some good eats at a local bar/pool hall. Prime people watching, drinks, and good company. It was a great night; however, I have to make this PSA because I went to sleep and woke up with a particular run-in on my mind.
Within the last 45 minutes of my night out, two guys took a seat next to our table. In a brief moment when I was not conversing and/or laughing with my girls (just gazing at the televisions above the bar), the guy sitting next to me says, “Why you lookin’ so mean?”
I usually respond to unwanted, unwarranted gestures in one of two ways. I either ignore you (which I’m very good at), or I’ll politely decline any impending offers and leave the scene of annoyance. Since his friend was sitting across from him, I decided not to ignore him. It’s bad enough being rejected, worst yet in front of your crew. Instead, I turned to him and in my sincerest effort shared some advice.
STOP saying that to women! We don’t like it and it’s off putting. When you approach a woman who you do not know, the first phrase(s) out of your mouth should not be, “Smile,” “Why are you looking so mean?”, “Why aren’t you dancing?”, etc. First of all, who walks around with a smile on their face 24/7? That would be creepy. Second of all, you telling me to smile isn’t going to make me smile or make me want to smile. Thirdly, when you’re flirting or trying to get to know someone, you should be complimenting the positive attributes of her. Don’t point out an alleged flaw or shortcoming and think you’re going to get the digits. If you’re really concerned with the state of my countenance, why not crack a joke that would yield the flashing of those pearly whites? Introducing yourself with a simple Hi, how are you? My name is… shouldn’t be that hard. It’s common sense, not a science. Be kind. Be real. Be considerate.
I’m very comfortable with who I am as a woman. I would never be that chick to change herself on behalf of someone else. I’m not concerned with being attractive to every guy I meet. There are only a few persons with whom I would be compatible with and only one man who I will marry, God willing. Why a guy would think a woman would or should conform to his standard of beauty is beyond me. The gentleman I spoke to didn’t seem to understand where I was coming from, so I hope this message falls on fertile ground… just a little constructive criticism. These are my two cents. Whether my chump change inspires chumps to change is yet to be seen.