Last year was the first (and last) time I have ever lent a guy money. We had been dating for a short time; maybe 6 or 7 weeks. His request seemed simple and harmless. One day we were walking together in Wal-Mart. I was picking up a few items. The only thing he needed to purchase was a calling card for his cell phone’s pre-paid plan. We got to the checkout lane, he put his item next to mine, and asked me to buy it assuring me he’d pay me back. I didn’t want to make a scene or cut him with my eyes. I paid for it under the assumption that he would pay me back. He never did. That relationship was short-lived; mostly because he was a liar, not just worthless cheap.
Fast forward to current day. I met a guy about 5 weeks ago. We’ve hung out a few times, have good conversation on the phone as well as in person, and he’s even visited my church. Today he told me there’s a 3 day certification course he wants to take to enhance his business, but he doesn’t have sufficient cash to sign up for it. I’m like, “and?” Why is he asking for my help? Do people think I’m well off? Even so, we don’t know each other like that. He’s not my family, and that’s the only exception when it comes to a man asking for money in my view. I told him to kick rocks try a Go Fund Me page. I’m so turned off right now and feel it might be helpful to let the fellas know the tacky, tired, and annoying things men do that us ladies wish they wouldn’t. Some of these may apply to both sexes, smh.
- If the street harassment video has taught you nothing else, please stop commanding telling us to smile. No one walks around with a permanent smile on their face. That’s just creepy.
- Stop being a lazy dater with this, “let’s chill” or “hang out” nonsense. I understand you may have been taken advantage of in the past by thirsty (and hungry) broads, but don’t make the next chick pay for the past chick’s transgressions. If you’re truly interested in getting to know a woman, be willing to invest your time and attention into her via a date. Not all dates require you to shell out loads of cash. Be creative (which we appreciate also).
- Chill on social media. I made the mistake of adding someone as a friend to my Facebook page too soon and he went stalker mode on me. He liked 80+ pics…in ONE night!
- Learn to take rejection graciously. True story…I left a bar downtown when this guy standing about 20 yards away catcalled me. First of all, why are you yelling like a negro uncivilized brute? I ignored him and proceeded across the street to my car. He then says, “Oh you can’t talk to nobody? I hope you get hit (by a car).”
- Stop lying. If your mother hasn’t taught you this by now, when a woman asks a question, she usually knows the answer but wants to hear your response. A woman’s intuition is real.
- Don’t ask for my number if you’re not going to use it. I don’t know why this happens, but it’s very confusing.
- Be assertive, not aggressive. Shy guys will likely finish last. The worst thing a guy can do when he’s out with his boys is to send his wingman to a woman (or a group of women) like a pre-qualification application. Women need to feel safe. If you’re too scared to approach me, what confidence could I ever have that you’re “man enough” to protect me?
- Stop expecting a trophy when you aren’t the real MVP aka have realistic expectations (men and women). Don’t expect more than you’re willing to give. If you want a woman with an hourglass figure who can cook while balancing the checkbook, be sure you’re that hardworking man with a six-pack who can change the car’s oil after taking out the trash (without being told to).
- Stop going MIA. Consistency is key. I despise the “hey stranger” texts and phone calls months after no contact. Be hot or cold, in or out. *A side note about communication* One day I will be married. I will see and/or communicate with my spouse daily. The boyfriend/girlfriend stage is like a prerequisite for what is (hopefully) to come. If a man can willingly go a full 7 days without speaking to me, that’s a red flag.
Ladies, what else am I missing? And I know the guys have some rebuttals for me. That’s okay. Communication is like a coin. There are two sides. You can’t have one without the other, and together they have value.