How many times has your girlfriend or wife replied with, “I don’t know,” or some variation thereof when asked what she wants for dinner? Too many to count? Well lean in and listen up, fellas. I’ve got a few reasons why you can’t seem to get a straight answer to a seemingly simple question.

  1. She’s actually being thoughtful. Nine times out of ten, if you’re in a heteronormative relationship, then the man is the party who will be paying for the meal. Whether he can only afford a $5 Bonafide Big Box from Popeyes or a steak dinner from Ruth’s Chris, a lady may not want to be presumptuous in reference to her beau’s budget. It’s the same catch 22 of a job applicant stating their desired salary. Say something too low and you’re understating your worth potentially leaving money on the table. Say something too high and you possibly take yourself out of the running all together. Instead of talking about the sometimes touchy subject of finances, a woman may defer to her man to make the dinner selection.
  2. She knows exactly what she wants. The caveat is that it may not be so easy to obtain. For example, I’d love to have a lobster roll from Maine, a crab cake from Maryland, an original glazed doughnut from Krispy Kreme, a bananas foster daquiri from New Orleans, peach cobbler from Shane’s Ribshack, and collard greens from 913 Whiskey Bar. While each of those items are delectably delicious, they are also impractical to obtain (for dinner). As such your logical ladylove wouldn’t dare to suggest these things even though it is what she really wants.
  3. She’s not hungry hungry, but she can eat. When we try to substitute food for feelings we become emotional eaters. Food is a big part of our lives especially in the American culture. Cake and ice cream for birthdays; champagne toasts for the New Year; taco Tuesdays, wine down Wednesdays, fish fry Fridays; soul food Sundays, etc. Mindless munching can easily become a hobby if gone unchecked. Perhaps your Cherie amour isn’t that hungry thus has no appetite for anything in particular.

With all of that being said, I can only leave you with two pieces of advice. First, decide for her. She may counter with something else or even shoot your suggestion down, but decide anyway. The most common (sexual) fantasy for women is being dominated. Despite our aversion to the words submit/submission, us women are more than willing to be led. Our issue is with someone with no plan who doesn’t know where they’re going. We won’t knowingly be led into misery, but that blog post is for a different day…

The last piece of advice was provided by my very own brother. Don’t even ask. Simply tell her you’re taking her somewhere for dinner. Whatever she guesses first, take her there!b1

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